That idiotic something.

"They say you can't turn a bad girl good but once a good girl's gone bad, she's gone forever." Jay-Z.

"It sobers you up if you're drunk," he says.
Her presence throbs to my corner right.
"Sure, why not," I said.
Am I really doing this? One more glance.
Laughing, camera flashes, one shot has never felt so long.
"Alright but we gotta do it in the bathroom," he says.
I'm secretly begging now, please come back to me.
I walk over, I ask to have a drink, he checks his phone.
"Let's go," I said, "But just a little, I've never done it before."
"We can just do one line. I'm sorry, I'm fucked up right now,
are you sure you want to?" he asks.
"Yeah." By now, I've stopped any train of thought.
I didn't want to acknowledge what was going on.
I feel the questions, the doubt, the shame, the hurt -
Just trying to touch me. Trying to stop this rising wall.
The bathroom line is too long, it wasn't worth the wait.
Another bullet dodged.
Breathe. Be patient. Be classy. Just...take it.
Dance it off, block out the world, have fun.
Let the poison wash over you and give into it
That's your only comfort now.
That and the girl in pink who barely knows you,
But dances with you nonetheless,
Getting your 6's and 7's -
Everything he should've been doing, but isn't.
Another lifetime goes by, and I think I'm taking that leap of faith.
I see him smiling my way, walking towards me.
I see a hand on his shoulder, a whisper in his ear.
And just like that, the road forks into two.
We're always advised to take the path less trodden,
But he's always been a rebel.
How a simple touch can remind oneself that our safety net remains,
So fall back into it because "We're Safe."
A string from my heart to your feet
Watching you walk away,
My heartbeat sync'ed.
I'm secretly begging again.
But this time, offer me that line and I promise I will cross it.

So I ask myself today:
How did I end up being here? Again.
I traveled to the edges of this bubble
To release the bitter and have faith in the good.
You can ask for it, demand it,
But it's a promise you can only make to yourself.
And if the respect isn't there
Then something has to change
Someone has to go
A decision has to be made.
And I choose to respect myself.