The National Palace Museum

Outside of the lovely museum. It truly feels like entering a kingdom.

I would've just taken a picture...IF I HAD A WORKING CAMERA!

Oh fishy fishy, what ugly creatures you are.

Oh TBT, what a gay creature you are.

Footy Match

Ahh yes. Good 'ole football. OR SOCCER. That's one thing I haven't been able to grasp - calling soccer 'football', and trying to illustrate American football by referencing rugby. And what the hell is a fish fillet (fil-let)?! It's 'fish fil-LAY'! Anyway, back to the match. It was my first time watching a live but unofficial soccer match - the Taiwan National team (or something) versus a foreign club team...the equivalence of a Knicks vs. All Star Team game. We went to support a couple of our Shane teachers who were on the club team, and to provide comforting smacks on the bum when they lost. The National Team was just too cool for school.

Tour buddy Trent was kind enough to patiently explain the rules in soccer for me. I, on the other hand, was tipped off half a beer trying to follow the play and listen to the rules with x-ray goggles on the goalie, all the while holding in my pee. Multi-tasking can be such a bitch.

Afterwards, we went to a Roxy Junior's - a little cafe bar with outdoor seating - for a few beers and some people watching. Or, in this case, a little teacher on teacher action...

TBT.Meet tour buddy Trent. You'll be seeing him in a lot of my videos and crappy pictures. He's a towering 6'2", useful for scaring off locals with his dashing foreign appearance and it's like walking around with a get-out-of-jail-free card. He can get away with eating on the train and running red lights. I sure as hell can't. (No eating or drinking on the train? Absurd, I know.)

Trent also tends to attract older women, especially ones with 12 year old daughters. But hey, it's lunch after 12 and for a guy his size to be in Taiwan - he'll need the 2 for 1 deal.

Hungover Tourism Part 1.5

So here's an effort to make use of our Sundays in a more 'efficient' way. Since it's the only day that EVERYONE has off, we all try to get pissed off trashed the night before (except for me because I like to do my laundry on Sat. nights and have ONE beer. My tolerance is embarrassing, I know.) Then we drag ourselves out of bed the next morning despite the pounding headaches and upset stomachs because we don't want to sleep our day away (but we really do), and we still want to see more of Taiwan...the country we're growing to love...

This week, we went to visit the Longshan Temple which is one of the longest standing temples in Taiwan, architecturally speaking. I think. The tourist pamphlet doesn't say much here...so I'll refrain from doing so too. There were tons of people praying, incense everywhere, food offerings for the gods, gigantic paper mache things, and outside was a night market where people sold things they probably stole off a delivery truck or other people.

The gave out incense...

Alright, so we were REALLY at IKEA, furniture shopping. We also had Pizza Hut for the first time here (we ordered the Supreme) and to my amazement - it tasted like Pizza Hut! Of course they had all that other weird toppings too like fried rice, egg tart, or shrimp and corn - otherwise, it just wouldn't be AZN.

Then we headed over to the hockey game where I pee'd all over myself and the reason being - I had to use one of these fuckers...

This is actually the cleanest one I have seen so far. Believe you me, I have seen WAY nastier ones. I taste a little stomach bile just thinking about. Ugh.

Sharks vs Wolves (14-1)

Apparently, sports are a big part of Taiwan's past time - soccer (or 'football'), baseball (he-who-shall-not-be-named because blogger is a METS fan), basketball, and rugby even. Hockey? Not so much. But it was very exciting to learn that they even play hockey here and their games are free to watch.

The arena that it takes place in makes the MSG look like cow dung, but the small bleacher section that is devoted to this icy spectacle IS cow dung. No, really. Picture school gymnasium with the players changing behind metal bleachers that only take up one side of the rink. The announcers share the 'booth' space with the penalty boxes, keep track of scores on a laptop that plays intermission music along with a mic to personally vocalize the buzzer at the end of each period...

Not to mention I also saw him blatantly pick his ass. There was no home team so I decided to root for the Sharks (green) because...well, because I like green and it seemed like they were the cuter team. But they lost, 14-1. Yes. Embarrassing as it was, we stuck with it til the end only to prove that this is why Connie never gambles.

Afterwards, a few of my co-workers brought me to one of their regular Sunday night hangouts - Carnegie's. A laid back rockish joint that could use a jukebox or two, and most definitely a live rock band. From what they tell me though, the place turns into a complete whorehouse on Wednesdays, where foreigners feast on Taiwanese locals. And without further ado, meet some of my co-workers la....

Marcus, "Hammie, can I have your cherry?"

Hammie, "Oh yes, of course!"

Alastir, "Did you just...?!?!"

Trent, "You badass bro."

Marcus, "...am I?...

I like the way it popped in my mouth."

Alastir, "Show me, you bastard. Like this?"

James, "I like little boys!"

Alastir, "Or like..."

James, "Um...."

James, "I like little boys! "

Marcus (sighs), "Yes James, we know."

Trent, "Wow."


`

Home is Where the Heart is....

You know guys...there's a reason why I'm not in the film-making industry. And that's because I don't own a pair of fake boobs. No, it's because Connie can't - for the life of her - shoot anything properly. I'm sorry, I'm really trying my best. I won't even blame the broken camera. Anyway, here's a brief video of my neighborhood, downstairs from my apartment...

You'll notice that I tend to make Battery Park City references a lot. That's actually quite funny considering the fact that I'VE NEVER LIVED THERE BEFORE. I've never actually been up the Statue of Liberty either. And I've only ever visited the Empire State building because it was a mandatory Junior High School trip. And yet here I am, talking like some fancy hoitty-toitty brat that's too uptown for small, industrial little Sanchong. How New York of me. But I only speak so fondly of BPC in comparison because if I move back, I'd like to live in BPC and raise bratty little kids with a dashing Swedish hockey player of a husband, preferrably with the last name Lundqvist.

Sorry, got carried away. Here are a few clips of other apartments I saw that were...not so great. Actually, they were downright crappy. And when I say crappy, I'm being super generous. See for yourself...

I have a clip of my apt but it exceeds the upload limit. I'd take another shorter video except I'm embarrassed by it's work in progress. I don't want to give off bad impressions of my bachelorette pad (bow chicka chicka bow wowng). Hehe.

Danshui...And More Food.

It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm in my bed, having a Taiwanese beer and developing some sort of itch on my calves. Maybe I'm dirty? Although I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out to be some allergic reaction. Or maybe I'm just dirty. It's Taiwan - blessed with excessively sweaty glands (thanks to the tropical weather, esp. in the summertime), and lacking in the deodorant department. But you're right - that doesn't explain why I'm dirty with itchy calves. Anyway, here are some pictures from a day spent in Danshui. It's somewhere north of the city (I think), right by the water with tons of scrumpdidiliotious food vendors/stands/restaurants that are once again - dirt cheap. You can only imagine what an attraction this place might be so there was a massive amount of people just going to town on stinky tofu's, fresh fruit drinks, fried sweet potato puffs (one of my favorites), tofu stuffed with green bean noodles, ice cream, eggs cooked/boiled/preserved, etc. Dude I can go on forever about the food here. It's the neverending story. Haha, get it? Still corny, I know.


The scenic views up there were fantabulous - from the romantic sunsets on fisherman's wharf to the tranquil yet speedy boat ride between the wharf and the bus/train stop. Almost reminds me of times spent looking at sunsets in Battery Park City. Which reminds me, there have a small Statue of Liberty right around the Taipei 101 area...check out the footage below.

And I also met up with Ophelia for dinner (yes, more food) - she's a very good friend of my previous employer/broker back home and she is such a sweetheart. We went out for a traditional Taiwanese meal that consisted of a few small dishes so we could try different things. We had pork liver, crab with sticky rice, steamed veggies, spring rolls with peanut sauce/pork/egg/crab/veggies (the best!), noodles, and Taiwanese beer - which I've discovered to be quite good. And that means a lot coming from a non-beer person. Mmmm, I'm salivating at the thought of all these foods! Luckily for me, they're just right around the corner :)

Reel 'Em In!

Some Bridge. Riding on the back of Daphne's scooter. She takes me everywhere and she's such the speed demon.

Fellow teachers at Shane English School, where I teach.

On our way to go watch "Vantage Point" (it sucked, watch it online) with Ant and the staff from my school. The cinema was near Taipei 101 so I took a lame video from a distance. We'll get up there sooner or later.

The popular form of transportation apparently (or obviously) is the scooter. How's that for sexy? There's definitely no scooter-blinging rims or tints to go with non-existent body kits, but the people here ride 'em dirty all the same. And I mean that in the most literal sense - as in if you don't look before you cross, you will most definitely get run over because there's no right of way and nobody gives two shits if you're a 'pedestrian.' Maybe a muddy splash if it rained. And you thought Chinatown was bad.

Shilin Night Market

(It might look like penis, but it's not. It's...tempura? and pig's blood brown rice cakes. I think.)
Seriously guys. Do you know what it means when I say that this town smells like the mouth piece of my grandmother's algae colored rotary phone? ALL THE TIME! Or it could be the stinky tofu. Because I had it 'bout 6-7 hours ago and it hasn't even begun to leave my system yet. More like it's stuck in my pores. Maybe permanently. But it was mighty scrumptious, amongst other dirt cheap foods that I keep trying at these night markets.

We had cool noodles tonight and it was orgasmic! Not like chocolate orgasmic - but peanut sauce orgasmic. We had tapioca drinks where the tapioca was fresh (but doesn't mean I don't miss powered blizzards), and all kinds of red bean desserts. And dude! they even make falafel/fajita/gyro-like things and it looks authentic too! Didn't try it though...just not at the homesick/missing western food phase yet. Except for some good ole NYC pizza...mmmmm.

Anyway, here's a picture of my desk. If you look closely, there's a little bulletin pad that has my name on it. I love that I have my own set of everything: pens, white board markers, cd case, drawer - COMPLETE with 'Connie' labels and all! I hate that I can't avoid picking up a half-assed British accent. The teachers, all the phonics audio tapes we play for the kids - it's brainwashing. I thought I was becoming quite good but apparently, I'm giving Teacher Issac and Teacher James the chills. And Teacher James is actually from London or whatever.

And somebody find me a nail/hair/beauty salon that actually waxes!! It's literally unheard of over here and I refuse to go on wolfing it. A howl to those of you who are though.

45 - Salon or Saloon?

What a night. I feel like I just got home from happy hour, except it's 3AM. Actually that would be happy hour since we don't start teaching until 5pm the next day and don't get out till about 10ish...hence the 1AM shopping and 24hr shops.

So we're headed into town after work to a cozy little spot called 45 to celebrate Teacher Erika's bday - I'm thinking westernized pub with a gawdy sign. Not so. Think Harry Potter and the train station at 9 and 3/4 platform that separates the magical world from the non-magical. Seems like a you-either-know-it-or-you-don't place, unless you drunkenly stumble upon it, in which case you wouldn't remember anyway. Turns out to be a pretty spaciously compact place. It's backwards, yeah? Yeah.

So I'm thinking this must be a pretty typical teacher's night out - decent beer, funny stories, indoor smoking, and Taiwanese people giving each other haircuts. YES. It boggles my mind too, but I love how wacky everyone is and how unashamed they are. Good times.

Teacher Paul thinks so too.

Greener on the Other Side

I off the plane late in the evening and my school arranges a room for me at the well known "Love Hotel" where there are circular beds, weird buttons with Chinese captions that probably set off vibrations if one knows how to read chinese, and jacuzzi tubs or curtainless showers. What a great start to greener grasses, eh?

I made the mistake of traveling with a broken camera that only takes pics with a yellow tint, so you'll notice that most of the footage is in video form. It's pathetic I know, but I also believed that I was going to find a cheaper camera here than in the states. NOT TRUE. Don't fall for the "it's made in Taiwan so it's GOT to be cheaper" bit. People here pay more for some of the electronics that we could easily find good deals for on amazon. Bastards. And the polaroid...well, once I confirm that they sell polaroid film, I'll put that to use.